Recently, I feel a bit like I am flailing. I can’t seem to keep on top of everything. I’m forcing myself to maintain ludicrous standards across so many areas of my life and the things I enjoy doing the most are sliding.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve taken a lot on recently. I’ve started a brilliant new job, I’ve squeezed in two holidays already, I’ve played host to different people, I’ve sent off a new batch of interview requests and written them all up, I’ve tried to keep up with the demands of an Australian social life and maintaining friendships back home… And then so much more.
I’ve balanced it all, but only just.
The feeling of lots of spinning plates has left me a little overwhelmed and I’ve fallen back into negative self talk. I’ve been getting angry at myself for not replying to messages straight away, for not being able to commit to a series of social plans, for feeling tired.
It needs to stop.
I need to remind myself that I am doing well, that it’s okay to take a few days off, that I’m not a bad person because I can’t be there all the time when someone demands it. And when things get really bad and my self doubt becomes all consuming, I need to remind myself that at least I wasn’t the person at Fox who decided to axe Brooklyn Nine-Nine… now that is something to beat yourself up about!
It’s time to take the focus off of spinning all of these plates and put it back on myself. This girl here on New Years Eve couldn’t wait for 2020 so that she could explore Australia even more and continue to pursue her writing goals. Sometimes I feel like I have let her down a little.
But I’m going to change that.
Yesterday, for the first time in months, I sat down and wrote my story. I dedicated an entire day to it… and it felt great. I finished my day feeling proud and accomplished with a big smile on my face.
So I’ve decided to pull back from my blogging schedule for a few weeks. I will still post my Friday interviews, but for the rest of my ‘free time’ I am going to work on my book, my passion project, the thing that I really want to pursue.
I’ll be back blogging soon, but for now it’s best for me to focus my attention on my amazing new job that I love, continuing to build a life here in Australia and focus my efforts on the creative writing that I have spent years wishing I could work on.